I awoke this morning to discover a horrifying crime in progress.
Black Squirrel aka
Suspect is wanted in Ontario for grand theft green-tomato. Suspect may be responsible for previously unsolved crimes at the same location including disturbance of mulch and kidnapping of underage zucchinis.
Suspect is described as 10 inches [25.5 cm] in height, dark hair, beady eyes, bushy tail. Suspect was last spotted fleeing north on Augusta Avenue.
Seriously, what was I thinking trying to grow tomatoes in the city?